Lost

I’m lost. I go though my day to day in a blur. I get up, I go to work, I get unappreciated, get paid and go home. Just to do it all over again, and for what? I have nothing to show for it.  What’s it all for? I don’t know what to do. Is it all really worth it? To what end is this purpose in life? Better yet, what purpose do I have at all? My friends barely tolerate me, my co-workers for the most part hold me at arms length, and that’s probably for good reason, I can be a bit of a rabid dog sometimes.

There is no path at my feet, I have no direction. I’m aimless and can’t even get a little ahead, everything is an uphill battle, and when I fight back, even just a little, I get blamed in some way. There is no sense of camaraderie, no sense of true, or love. I get that some people care about me, but it feels false, obligatory, I wear thin on people. I seem to burn through important relationship like fire though rice paper.

I need a change, to change everything in my life, but I don’t know where to start. The things I care about the most are held the furthest from me. All I want is to love, and be loved. To genuinely be loved and to feel love.