Introverts

  1. Nacodoches Parents Are Funny As Fuck

    • Original story was not EFL speaker, edited to flow in English. “Me” is not actually me, just reproducing the conversation. Deleted emojis, they did not copy well. Nacodoches parents are fu[...]
    • Original story was not EFL speaker, edited to flow in English. “Me” is not actually me, just reproducing the conversation. Deleted emojis, they did not copy well.

      Nacodoches parents are funny as fuck. This man and his daughter were at Walmart and we are all standing in line. It’s them, this lady and then it’s me. So the little girl is like 5 or 6. So she’s asking a lot of questions. So she asked her daddy something and he was like….

      Dad: Now why would you ask a question like that? If she asked you why you fat, then you would be mad. Worry about you, not her.

      Lady in front of me: You know, you really shouldn’t be talking to your child like that. That’s mental child abuse!

      Me: 😑😒 awe here this mfer go..

      Man: Who you talking to?

      Lady: You! You shouldn’t be calling your child fat! That is child abuse!

      Man: Don’t come at me sideways ma’am, you don’t know me like that. And if you must know, I’m teaching my child not to ask rude and offensive questions. Any time she asks a rude question, I ask her one about herself. So like I told her. Worry about you, not her.

      Me: OKAY!

      Lady: That’s mental and emotional abuse.

      Man: You know what, baby girl, ask this lady what you asked me.. go ahead. You wont be in trouble this time.

      Little girl: Ma’am, why do you stink like that? You don’t take baths?

      Lady: That’s not a very nice thing to ask someone. It could really hurt someone’s feelings.

      Man: See, when she asked me this question, she was talking about you. And you wanna come talking about abuse but I was trying to save you from getting your feelings hurt. Now look at you; sad and stinky.

      Me: OMG I CANT BREATHE!!! I DONE DROPPED MY DAMN RED BULL!

  2. The Satanic Temples Seven Tenets

    •   These are better tenants to live by then most other religions. Basically, just be a good human being. Strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason. T[...]
    •  

      These are better tenants to live by then most other religions. Basically, just be a good human being.

      1. Strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
      2. The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
      3. One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
      4. The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo your own.
      5. Beliefs should conform to our best scientific understanding of the world. We should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit our beliefs.
      6. People are fallible. If we make a mistake, we should do our best to rectify it and resolve any harm that may have been caused.
      7. Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
  3. AN ACCURATE HOROSCOPE!!!!!

    • First and foremost, I put zero stock/credence into Astrology. It’s pseudoscience at best. That being said, I am always curious to see what the crackpots have to say. I have copy/pasted this ASIS[...]
    • First and foremost, I put zero stock/credence into Astrology. It’s pseudoscience at best. That being said, I am always curious to
      see what the crackpots have to say. I have copy/pasted this ASIS. Originally from an unknown website or possibly a Facebook post (it contained emoji and hashtags) into the Notes.app on my phone, from that app to here (which is possibly where it’s ultimate destination was meant to be, who knows). The following changes may and/or may not have been made within reason;

      • Spelling mistakes have been corrected,
      • Grammar mistakes as well (if I caught them).
      • I also made it an unordered list.
      • Removed any personal notes from the source.

      This is the real deal. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you’ll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning, and it only gets worse from there.

      • AQUARIUS – Does It in the Water (January 20 to February 18)
        • Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they’re not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a fighter, but will knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • PISCES – The Partner for Life (February 19 to March 20)
        • Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to others but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • ARIES – The Aggressive (March 21 to April 19)
        • Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny… Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an Aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be ‘Right’. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • TAURUS – The Tramp (April 20 to May 20)
        • Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self-centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • GEMINI – The Twin (May 21 to June 20)
        • Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very good at confusing people. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosy. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not share this post
      • CANCER – The Beauty (June 21 to July 22)
        • MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer’s love is one of a kind… Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative person, most are artists and insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An ultimate freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a fighter, but will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • LEO – The Lion (July 23 to August 22)
        • Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo’s problem becomes everyone’s problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • VIRGO – The One that Waits (August 23 to September 22)
        • Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • LIBRA – The Lame One (September 23 to October 22)
        • Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with… you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • SCORPIO – The Addict (October 23 to November 21)
        • EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad Luck if you do not share this post.
      • SAGITTARIUS – The Promiscuous One (November 22 to December 21)
        • Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
      • CAPRICORN – The Passionate Lover (December 22 to January 19)
        • Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy, but when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs in sports, especially Gemini’s. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.
  4. The Lawn Gnome Revolution

    • This has been a very long time in the making. That is to say, it’s spent over 20 years banging around in my head. And now it’s time to start putting those ideas and concepts down on paper. More to com[...]
    • This has been a very long time in the making. That is to say, it’s spent over 20 years banging around in my head. And now it’s time to start putting those ideas and concepts down on paper. More to come as I refine this.

      Characters: Lord Rayleigh (more to come)

  5. Darkness

    • Into the darkness I go. To loose my mind, and find myself.
    • Into the darkness I go. To loose my mind, and find myself.

  6. Untitled – 04/12/2020

    • A little late night insomniac fueled #wordporn. I grew up not knowing who I was,I grew up not knowing who I wanted to be,I grew up not knowing who I wanted to believe in. Now I grow older every day, k[...]
    • A little late night insomniac fueled #wordporn.

      I grew up not knowing who I was,
      I grew up not knowing who I wanted to be,
      I grew up not knowing who I wanted to believe in.

      Now I grow older every day, knowing who I am
      Now I grow older every day, knowing who I want to be,
      Now I grow older every day, knowing who I want to believe in.

      When I die, I will know who I wasn’t, who I was, and who I am.
      When I die, I will know who I wanted to be, who I wasn’t, and who I should have been, but never who I was.
      When I die, I will know who I never believed in, who I did believe in and who I could believe in.

      When I’m dead, I will know nothing.
      When I’m dead, will I be remembered for the man I was?
      When I’m dead, whom will I have left an impression on?

      When I die, I will have known .

      v1© Chris Brennan, 1/19/2014
      v2© Chris Brennan, 4/12/2014
      v2.1© Christopher Brennan, 4/12/20

  7. Alien Invasion of Earth

    • DISCLAIMER: First and foremost, this is not my work, it is a reporting of a tumblr conversation. I got tired of having to constantly search for it when I wanted to talk about it with someone. giraffep[...]
    • DISCLAIMER: First and foremost, this is not my work, it is a reporting of a tumblr conversation. I got tired of having to constantly search for it when I wanted to talk about it with someone.

      giraffepoliceforce: I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

      They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

      splintercellconviction: Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf).

      By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it’s too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives; the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes.

      You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.

      The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.

      “Hippopotamus.”

      artiestroke: This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned 

      skeletonmug: Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking “it’s fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders* hippopotamuses. We’ll be fine.”

      And at first you are, you’ve learned how to dodge. You’ve learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself.

      But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You’re in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded “hippos” around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind.

      Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time.

      You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees.

      The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It’s musky and slightly foul. It’s the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from.

      You sit up, but it’s too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat.

      It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It’s between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away.

      Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn’t noticed before.

      When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human.

      “Badger.” they say, with a solemn nod.

      jabberwockypie: One word: Moose

      myurbandream: “Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-”

      BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!!

      “That’s called a moose.”


      morebadbookcovers
      : Wolverines. Also.. dolphins.

      ohgodhesloose: The invasion is going slowly. The humans have caught on and are actively destroying information on the planet’s flora and fauna before Intelligence can capture and process it. All that they have are survivors’ accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers. Moose. It is becoming obvious this mudball planet is a full-on Death World to the unprepared, and you are so very unprepared.

      You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a mobile or carnivorous plant, just one that caused a vicious allergic reaction on contact that killed him in less than a rai’kor. Commander Vura’ko died to an insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked a tiny bit of her blood and apparently replaced it with a bit of its last meal, which was full of disease. Backwash. She died to bug backwash. And yet you honestly envy them after that… thing you encountered…

      When you got back to base the quarantine officer refused to let you inside. They had to roll a containment tank outside to put you in, because you all knew there would be no chance of eliminating the smell if it got into the ship’s air ducts. Smell. You wonder if your nasal slit will ever recover from this stench.

      And the smell would. Not. Leave. After incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you use every cleansing agent they could think of, including a few janitorial ones, and still everyone fled the stench if they were downwind of your tank. Desperate to protect everyone’s nasal slits from the smell the quarantine officer interrogated the humans. From them, a glimmer of hope: there was a cure. Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on this mudball was the only thing that could break up the chemicals in the little horror’s spray. Immediately the Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of the stuff and made you bathe in it. That was hours ago and it didn’t seem to be working, though. All it was doing was turning your blue skin an interesting shade of purple.

      Sighing in frustration you wave the med-assist on duty over, who only approaches after checking the wind direction. Annoyed, you flip on the tank`s vox speaker.

      “The humans did say it was “grape” juice that removed “skunk” stench, right?”

      majingojira: Every night. 

      It came for someone almost every night. 

      Any soldier alone was a viable target for this native monster that moved unseen by any but the security viewers, usually only spotted in hindsight.  They were taken as silently as this earth-monster moved.  Sometimes they’d find the remains in the morning taken up a tree and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it were a grisly reminder that the monster was still there, waiting unseen, to strike again. 

      What little they saw of the monster on the vidfeed showed true horror.  Yellow eyes that shone with all the light it could gather.  It had fangs as long as his grasping digits.  Claws half that size formed curved hooks that allowed it to climb up their fortifications with impunity.  And in the underbrush, its spots made it almost impossible to see clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be seen at all.

      Even the native sentients, the humans, had a healthy respect and fear for it. 

      The earth natives called the monster a leopard.  

      It was a constant fear that muddied the senses, and let the monster hunt even more effectively as the soldiers were always on edge.  Sleep deprived with fear, it made them even better targets for the monster. 

      But rumor was that there was worse on this planet.  Rumors of a monster like a leopard but larger, and bigger in every imaginable sense. Stripped instead of spotted, which leaped from the underbrush with a sound.

      A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed entire units, and let the monster kill with impunity.  While the Leopard wrestled soldiers down and ripped their throats out.  This other monster, the Tiger, killed with its pounce alone.

      lyricwritesprose: “We’ve been through this,” Group Leader 455 snapped.  “The dissection of an Earth life form will help the scientists make weapons to combat the rest of this planet’s hell-beasts.  And these are domesticated.  Harmless.”

      The troops were not-quite-looking at her in the way troops do when they don’t want to be seen to contradict a ranking officer, but can’t quite muster a correct Expression of Enthusiastic Assent.  “The name of this species,” she pointed out, “is synonymous with dullness and slowness in the language of the Earth barbarians.”  Well, one language out of several thousand—these creatures needed Imperial guidance more than any other world on record—but there was no point in confusing the rank and file.

      More not-quite-looking.  455 bubbled a sigh and consulted her scanner.  “That one,” she decided.  “Alone in the separate pasture.  Scans suggest that it’s a male, which means it’s probably weaker.  Possibly it’s kept isolated so that the females don’t eat it before mating season.  And yes, I know some of you are here on punishment detail, but you’re still soldiers of the Imperium.  This squad is perfectly capable of handling a lone, helpless, pathetic male cow.”

  8. Great Questions To Ask A Job Interviewer

    • We all have found ourselves in the middle of a job we ended up hating because we failed to ask the right questions during the job interview process. It’s so important to use that job interview t[...]
    • We all have found ourselves in the middle of a job we ended up hating because we failed to ask the right questions during the job interview process. It’s so important to use that job interview to ask worthwhile questions of your own, think of it as your chance to interview the job. Use these to help you learn to ask the right questions.

  9. Why?

    • Why is it so hard to find love? Why is it so hard to be loved? Why is it so hard to feel loved? I feel like there is no one for me. Everyone is so judgmental, they have this image in their head that i[...]
      • Why is it so hard to find love?
      • Why is it so hard to be loved?
      • Why is it so hard to feel loved?
      • I feel like there is no one for me. Everyone is so judgmental, they have this image in their head that is completely and utterly unreasonable, unrealistic, and unattainable. Everything is superficial and superimposed.

      Why? I fail to understand. I don’t get it.

      Does anyone even actually care?

  10. It’s Never Enough by Five Finger Death Punch

    • No video with this post, maybe if I remember to come back to it later on. I’m feeling pretty down about some shit right now and this song either helped or made it worse, I can’t decide yet[...]
    • No video with this post, maybe if I remember to come back to it later on. I’m feeling pretty down about some shit right now and this song either helped or made it worse, I can’t decide yet.

      I’m so fed up with everyone around me

      No one seems to care

      I’m just so far gone and nothing’s gonna change

      I’ll never be the same

      It’s always do this, do that, everything they want to

      I don’t wanna live that way

      Every chance they get they’re always pushing me away

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter what I say

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      I’ll never be what you want me to be

      It’s all so messed up and no one ever listens

      Everyone’s deranged

      I’m just so fucked up and I’m never gonna change

      I wanna lay it all to waste

      They’re always say this, say that, nothing that you want to

      I don’t wanna live that way

      Every chance they get they’re always shoving me aside

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter what I say

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      I’ll never be what you want me to be

      I’m done!

      In the end we’re all just chalk lines on the concrete

      Drawn only to be washed away

      For the time that I’ve been given

      I am what I am

      I’d rather hate you for everything you are

      Than ever love you for something you are not

      I’d rather you hate me for everything I am

      Than have you love me for something that I can’t

      It’s never enough, it’s never enough

      No matter what I say

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter who I try to be

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter how I try to taste

      It’s never enough, never never enough

      I’ll never be what you want me to be

      Source: LyricFind

      Songwriters: Donnell Spencer

      Never Enough lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC