1. Why?

    • Why is it so hard to find love? Why is it so hard to be loved? Why is it so hard to feel loved? I feel like there is no one for me. Everyone is so judgmental, they have this image in their head that i[...]
      • Why is it so hard to find love?
      • Why is it so hard to be loved?
      • Why is it so hard to feel loved?
      • I feel like there is no one for me. Everyone is so judgmental, they have this image in their head that is completely and utterly unreasonable, unrealistic, and unattainable. Everything is superficial and superimposed.

      Why? I fail to understand. I don’t get it.

      Does anyone even actually care?

  2. It’s Never Enough by Five Finger Death Punch

    • No video with this post, maybe if I remember to come back to it later on. I’m feeling pretty down about some shit right now and this song either helped or made it worse, I can’t decide yet[...]
    • No video with this post, maybe if I remember to come back to it later on. I’m feeling pretty down about some shit right now and this song either helped or made it worse, I can’t decide yet.

      I’m so fed up with everyone around me

      No one seems to care

      I’m just so far gone and nothing’s gonna change

      I’ll never be the same

      It’s always do this, do that, everything they want to

      I don’t wanna live that way

      Every chance they get they’re always pushing me away

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter what I say

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      I’ll never be what you want me to be

      It’s all so messed up and no one ever listens

      Everyone’s deranged

      I’m just so fucked up and I’m never gonna change

      I wanna lay it all to waste

      They’re always say this, say that, nothing that you want to

      I don’t wanna live that way

      Every chance they get they’re always shoving me aside

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter what I say

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      I’ll never be what you want me to be

      I’m done!

      In the end we’re all just chalk lines on the concrete

      Drawn only to be washed away

      For the time that I’ve been given

      I am what I am

      I’d rather hate you for everything you are

      Than ever love you for something you are not

      I’d rather you hate me for everything I am

      Than have you love me for something that I can’t

      It’s never enough, it’s never enough

      No matter what I say

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter who I try to be

      It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

      No matter how I try to taste

      It’s never enough, never never enough

      I’ll never be what you want me to be

      Source: LyricFind

      Songwriters: Donnell Spencer

      Never Enough lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

  3. Remember Everything by Five Finger Death Punch

    • The official video for this song is rather military-minded, which is very much their style and for that, I do not fault them. This, like many of their songs though, has struck a cord with me, the more[...]
    • The official video for this song is rather military-minded, which is very much their style and for that, I do not fault them. This, like many of their songs though, has struck a cord with me, the more I listen to it, the more it resonates. I cannot describe the feeling it invokes, just that invokes some very strong emotions.

      Remember Everything by Five Finger Death Punch
      Oh, dear mother, I love you
      I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough
      Dear father, forgive me
      'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up
      In my heart I know I failed you
      But you left me here alone
      If I could hold back the rain
      Would you numb the pain
      'Cause I remember everything
      If I could help you forget
      Would you take my regrets
      'Cause I remember everything
      Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me
      For never standing by you or being by your side
      Dear sister, please don't blame me
      I only did what I thought was truly right
      It's a long and lonely road
      When you know you walk alone
      If I could hold back the rain
      Would you numb the pain
      'Cause I remember everything
      If I could help you forget
      Would you take my regrets
      'Cause I remember everything
      I feel like running away
      I'm still so far from home
      You say that I'll never change
      But what the fuck do you know
      I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you run
      Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now
      I remember everything
      If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain
      'Cause I remember everything
      If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets
      'Cause I remember everything
      It all went by so fast
      I still can't change the past
      I always will remember everything
      If we could start again
      Would that change the end
      We remember everything
      Everything
  4. No one seems my pain

    • No one even knows it exists. Am I just that good at hiding it, or does every just not care? I know it’s there, I feel it every day. It’s a burden that I carry with me and I feel it’s[...]
    • No one even knows it exists. Am I just that good at hiding it, or does every just not care? I know it’s there, I feel it every day. It’s a burden that I carry with me and I feel it’s keenest edge when I’m most alone. Lonely. I’m so tired of being alone. I’m so tired of feeling unloved. I’m so tired of being unloved. Why is this so hard? So painful?

  5. The list of things I learned before turning 22, (pts 1 and 2).

    • 1) A boy telling you you’re pretty won’t make you see the beauty in the fullness of your cheeks, in redness of your lips at 2 in the morning when tequila is making the bar bathroom spin. He can’t take[...]
    • 1) A boy telling you you’re pretty won’t make you see the beauty in the fullness of your cheeks, in redness of your lips at 2 in the morning when tequila is making the bar bathroom spin. He can’t take away the ugliness that you see in yourself, you have to do that.

      2) You have to be ready to hear someone say they love you. You have to be ready, and you have to be willing, and you have to listen. Because sometimes, they won’t say those three words, they’ll put a blanket over you while you’re watching a movie, they’ll kiss your cheek when they think you’re asleep, they’ll smile when they see you first thing in the morning. But you, you have to be willing to see it, feel it, let it in. Letting someone love you takes practice.

      3) Don’t make compromises you can’t live with. Compromise is a different version of what you want, not a whole other Universe.

      4) Learn to say no. No – to a movie you don’t want to watch; no – to sex you don’t want to have, no- to a relationship that’s driving you mad. Say no – to things that hurt you, to people that extinguish your fire, to jobs you hate and places that are desolate. There are bad things that we can’t control, bad things that happen and we are sucked into and have to feel with every fibre of our being, but the rest – learn to distance yourself, learn to say no.

      5) Don’t expect people to walk through fire for you – not your parents, not your friends, not the person you’re in love with. Love doesn’t mean sacrifice, love shouldn’t mean sacrifice. Don’t expect someone to give away pieces of them, so they could fit you better. And don’t feel hurt when they refuse to – it’s self-preservation. Instead – learn from them. Do it as well.

      6) Don’t tether yourself to people. Learn to make connections, to love, with both your feet steady on the ground. Learn to let people pass through your life; like a summer breeze, not a storm that’s just been unleashed.

      7) Learn the difference between growth and growing up before it’s too late. Rooftops and water fights and ice cream for breakfast can be a part of your life at 10, 25, or 35. But by the time you’re 35 you need to learn to say enough, to be able to walk away, you need to be able to love yourself. Love yourself the way you loved yourself at 10, before the world had a chance to fill your head with ugliness.

      1) You will hurt people. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes without meaning to, but you will hurt people. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but learn to accept that you may be a villain in someone else’s book.

      2) Learn to apologize. Learn to mean your apologies. Learn to say them with sympathy. Apologies are not about your conscience, or about your problems – they are about someone else – understand that! Understand that words can’t undo deeds, they do not heal. Do not demand forgiveness, work for it. Accept responsibility, do not shy away from it. But never, ever, apologize to appease someone. It is a betrayal – of yourself, as much as it’s a betrayal of them.

      3) Own your body! Own the softness of your tummy. Love your legs even when they’re hairy. Look at your face without makeup and find things to love – the eyes of the survivor and the lips that speak wonders and those cheeks that flush when you laugh. Love the parts that jiggle and the parts that are firm. Love all of you.

      4) Do not be afraid to take up space. There is a difference between being polite and being invisible. Do not be afraid to laugh loudly, to smile widely, to talk passionately. Do not be afraid to exist fully, unapologetically.

      5) There is nothing you can do to make someone fall in love with you. Let me repeat that – there is nothing you can do to make someone fall in love with you. Because see, the only thing you can do is change, but then they wouldn’t be falling in love with you, but with the person you’re trying to be for them. They’d be falling in love with things you stopped yourself from saying, and laughs you faked and the hairstyle you hate. They’d be falling in love with a person you don’t even like. Find someone who will love you the way you are, someone with whom you don’t have to try.

      6) Make playlists. I know, I know this seems silly, but trust me on this one, make playlists. A playlist to help you sleep and a playlist to calm you down at 3am when the walls around you seem to be crumbling. Make playlists, because sometimes there won’t be people around to remind you of who you are, to remind you how strong you are, to tell you to put the razor blade down. And the thing is – the music might. But more importantly, it will remind you of who you are, it will remind you of the sunny Sunday morning when you spent hours compiling it, it will remind you that darkness is only temporary, that tears dry, that you know how to smile, that you love to smile.

      7) Learn how to write cover letters well, really well Write a great CV! Take your time. Formatting is important. Use spell-check and punctuation and for the love of God use a decent font! Always come 15 minutes early for interviews. Have a spare pair of tights in your bag. Do not drink coffee on the way! When asked about your flaws, do not say you’re a perfectionist – there is nothing employers hate more! No one cares about that play you were in, in 10th grade and the three guitar chords you kind of know. Always read the company profile. Be informed. Do not lie. Admit when you don’t know something. Ask for instructions again if you don’t understand. Do more than you are required – workplace is not school, there is no limit to what you can achieve!

      Sources:

      1) The list of things I learned before turning 22 (pt. 1)

      2) The list of things I learned before turning 22 (pt. 2)

  6. Despite the inclusion . . .

    • I still feel like an outsider. Particularly today for some reason.
    • I still feel like an outsider. Particularly today for some reason.

  7. Darkness

    • It’s an old clichè, but an accurate one. The darkness is all I know now. I’ve known it for so long that I don’t know any different. People come and people go, no one stays. Those tha[...]
    • It’s an old clichè, but an accurate one. The darkness is all I know now. I’ve known it for so long that I don’t know any different. People come and people go, no one stays. Those that came were anchors, a way for me to find a way out of the darkness, then they got scared and moved on. Leaving me in the darkness again, always in the darkness. My son is a beacon in the darkness, but he is t the way out, I fear he never will be. Not yet anyway, maybe one day. If it’s not too late.

      The darkness is all around me, the darkness fights to invade my body, my mind. I can hear it pleading to let me in, and I am weak, I will give in eventually. It’s a fight I can never win, no matter how hard I fight, the darkness is everywhere and it always wins. When the darkness wins its prize of me (and lets be honest here, the darkness eventually wins in the end), I will no longer be surrounded by the darkness, I will be the darkness.

  8. Same-sex marriage is simple . . .

    • “The following is accredited to an anonymous individual. I agree completely and wholeheartedly. OK. Look, the issue of same-sex marriage is simple. I’m tired of hearing every shitty justif[...]
    • “The following is accredited to an anonymous individual. I agree completely and wholeheartedly.

      OK. Look, the issue of same-sex marriage is simple. I’m tired of hearing every shitty justification against it and about how it’s a sensitive and complicated issue. It’s not at all.

      1) If marriage is a religious institution defined by biblical principles, then the government has no authority to establish marriage as the only legally recognized civil union (Amendment I – “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, …”).

      2) If the government is going to define marriage and thus the benefits thereof, such as tax rates, healthcare, survivor benefits, etc., then it cannot restrict those privileges to certain citizens (Amendment XIV – No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; …).

      So, the government is bound by the Constitution to either:

      1) Butt out of marriage entirely. Legally recognize the civil union of any two consenting adults and relegate marriage to a religious institution that individuals can enter into if they so choose. Religious groups, as is their freedom, can then define marriage and restrict it to whomever they choose.

      2) Lift the restrictions on marriage.”

  9. “I believe in evidence.” — Isaac Asimov

  10. Beard vs Non-Beard