• Category Archives Words
  • It’s Never Enough by Five Finger Death Punch

    No video with this post, maybe if I remember to come back to it later on. I’m feeling pretty down about some shit right now and this song either helped or made it worse, I can’t decide yet.

    I’m so fed up with everyone around me

    No one seems to care

    I’m just so far gone and nothing’s gonna change

    I’ll never be the same

    It’s always do this, do that, everything they want to

    I don’t wanna live that way

    Every chance they get they’re always pushing me away

    It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

    No matter what I say

    It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

    I’ll never be what you want me to be

    It’s all so messed up and no one ever listens

    Everyone’s deranged

    I’m just so fucked up and I’m never gonna change

    I wanna lay it all to waste

    They’re always say this, say that, nothing that you want to

    I don’t wanna live that way

    Every chance they get they’re always shoving me aside

    It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

    No matter what I say

    It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

    I’ll never be what you want me to be

    I’m done!

    In the end we’re all just chalk lines on the concrete

    Drawn only to be washed away

    For the time that I’ve been given

    I am what I am

    I’d rather hate you for everything you are

    Than ever love you for something you are not

    I’d rather you hate me for everything I am

    Than have you love me for something that I can’t

    It’s never enough, it’s never enough

    No matter what I say

    It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

    No matter who I try to be

    It’s never enough, no it’s never enough

    No matter how I try to taste

    It’s never enough, never never enough

    I’ll never be what you want me to be

    Source: LyricFind

    Songwriters: Donnell Spencer

    Never Enough lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC


  • Remember Everything by Five Finger Death Punch

    The official video for this song is rather military-minded, which is very much their style and for that, I do not fault them. This, like many of their songs though, has struck a cord with me, the more I listen to it, the more it resonates. I cannot describe the feeling it invokes, just that invokes some very strong emotions.

    Remember Everything by Five Finger Death Punch
    Oh, dear mother, I love you
    I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough
    Dear father, forgive me
    'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up
    In my heart I know I failed you
    But you left me here alone
    If I could hold back the rain
    Would you numb the pain
    'Cause I remember everything
    If I could help you forget
    Would you take my regrets
    'Cause I remember everything
    Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me
    For never standing by you or being by your side
    Dear sister, please don't blame me
    I only did what I thought was truly right
    It's a long and lonely road
    When you know you walk alone
    If I could hold back the rain
    Would you numb the pain
    'Cause I remember everything
    If I could help you forget
    Would you take my regrets
    'Cause I remember everything
    I feel like running away
    I'm still so far from home
    You say that I'll never change
    But what the fuck do you know
    I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you run
    Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now
    I remember everything
    If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain
    'Cause I remember everything
    If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets
    'Cause I remember everything
    It all went by so fast
    I still can't change the past
    I always will remember everything
    If we could start again
    Would that change the end
    We remember everything
    Everything

  • The list of things I learned before turning 22, (pts 1 and 2).

    1) A boy telling you you’re pretty won’t make you see the beauty in the fullness of your cheeks, in redness of your lips at 2 in the morning when tequila is making the bar bathroom spin. He can’t take away the ugliness that you see in yourself, you have to do that.

    2) You have to be ready to hear someone say they love you. You have to be ready, and you have to be willing, and you have to listen. Because sometimes, they won’t say those three words, they’ll put a blanket over you while you’re watching a movie, they’ll kiss your cheek when they think you’re asleep, they’ll smile when they see you first thing in the morning. But you, you have to be willing to see it, feel it, let it in. Letting someone love you takes practice.

    3) Don’t make compromises you can’t live with. Compromise is a different version of what you want, not a whole other Universe.

    4) Learn to say no. No – to a movie you don’t want to watch; no – to sex you don’t want to have, no- to a relationship that’s driving you mad. Say no – to things that hurt you, to people that extinguish your fire, to jobs you hate and places that are desolate. There are bad things that we can’t control, bad things that happen and we are sucked into and have to feel with every fibre of our being, but the rest – learn to distance yourself, learn to say no.

    5) Don’t expect people to walk through fire for you – not your parents, not your friends, not the person you’re in love with. Love doesn’t mean sacrifice, love shouldn’t mean sacrifice. Don’t expect someone to give away pieces of them, so they could fit you better. And don’t feel hurt when they refuse to – it’s self-preservation. Instead – learn from them. Do it as well.

    6) Don’t tether yourself to people. Learn to make connections, to love, with both your feet steady on the ground. Learn to let people pass through your life; like a summer breeze, not a storm that’s just been unleashed.

    7) Learn the difference between growth and growing up before it’s too late. Rooftops and water fights and ice cream for breakfast can be a part of your life at 10, 25, or 35. But by the time you’re 35 you need to learn to say enough, to be able to walk away, you need to be able to love yourself. Love yourself the way you loved yourself at 10, before the world had a chance to fill your head with ugliness.

    1) You will hurt people. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes without meaning to, but you will hurt people. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but learn to accept that you may be a villain in someone else’s book.

    2) Learn to apologize. Learn to mean your apologies. Learn to say them with sympathy. Apologies are not about your conscience, or about your problems – they are about someone else – understand that! Understand that words can’t undo deeds, they do not heal. Do not demand forgiveness, work for it. Accept responsibility, do not shy away from it. But never, ever, apologize to appease someone. It is a betrayal – of yourself, as much as it’s a betrayal of them.

    3) Own your body! Own the softness of your tummy. Love your legs even when they’re hairy. Look at your face without makeup and find things to love – the eyes of the survivor and the lips that speak wonders and those cheeks that flush when you laugh. Love the parts that jiggle and the parts that are firm. Love all of you.

    4) Do not be afraid to take up space. There is a difference between being polite and being invisible. Do not be afraid to laugh loudly, to smile widely, to talk passionately. Do not be afraid to exist fully, unapologetically.

    5) There is nothing you can do to make someone fall in love with you. Let me repeat that – there is nothing you can do to make someone fall in love with you. Because see, the only thing you can do is change, but then they wouldn’t be falling in love with you, but with the person you’re trying to be for them. They’d be falling in love with things you stopped yourself from saying, and laughs you faked and the hairstyle you hate. They’d be falling in love with a person you don’t even like. Find someone who will love you the way you are, someone with whom you don’t have to try.

    6) Make playlists. I know, I know this seems silly, but trust me on this one, make playlists. A playlist to help you sleep and a playlist to calm you down at 3am when the walls around you seem to be crumbling. Make playlists, because sometimes there won’t be people around to remind you of who you are, to remind you how strong you are, to tell you to put the razor blade down. And the thing is – the music might. But more importantly, it will remind you of who you are, it will remind you of the sunny Sunday morning when you spent hours compiling it, it will remind you that darkness is only temporary, that tears dry, that you know how to smile, that you love to smile.

    7) Learn how to write cover letters well, really well Write a great CV! Take your time. Formatting is important. Use spell-check and punctuation and for the love of God use a decent font! Always come 15 minutes early for interviews. Have a spare pair of tights in your bag. Do not drink coffee on the way! When asked about your flaws, do not say you’re a perfectionist – there is nothing employers hate more! No one cares about that play you were in, in 10th grade and the three guitar chords you kind of know. Always read the company profile. Be informed. Do not lie. Admit when you don’t know something. Ask for instructions again if you don’t understand. Do more than you are required – workplace is not school, there is no limit to what you can achieve!

    Sources:

    1) The list of things I learned before turning 22 (pt. 1)

    2) The list of things I learned before turning 22 (pt. 2)


  • The Egg by Andy Weir

    The Egg is a short story by Andy Weir, I found it a few years ago and incomplete on a Tumblr post, it had the above header image and someone had truncated the body, ever since then I have always come back to it. It’s curious, it’s thought-provoking, and it’s it is honest.

     

     

    The Egg

    By: Andy Weir

    You were on your way home when you died.

    It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

    And that’s when you met me.

    “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

    “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

    “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

    “Yup,” I said.

    “I… I died?”

    “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

    You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

    “More or less,” I said.

    “Are you god?” You asked.

    “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

    “My kids… my wife,” you said.

    “What about them?”

    “Will they be all right?”

    “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

    You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

    “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

    “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

    “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

    “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

    “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

    You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

    “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

    “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

    “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

    I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

    “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

    “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

    “Oh, lots. Lots and lots. An into lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

    “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

    “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

    “Where you come from?” You said.

    “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly, you wouldn’t understand.”

    “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

    “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

    “So what’s the point of it all?”

    “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

    “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

    I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

    “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

    “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life, you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

    “Just me? What about everyone else?”

    “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

    You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

    “All you. Different incarnations of you.”

    “Wait. I’m everyone!?”

    “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

    “I’m every human being who ever lived?”

    “Or who will ever live, yes.”

    “I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

    “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

    “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

    “And you’re the millions he killed.”

    “I’m Jesus?”

    “And you’re everyone who followed him.”

    You fell silent.

    “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

    You thought for a long time.

    “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

    “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

    “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

    “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

    “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

    “An egg,” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

    And I sent you on your way.